if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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