I wannas sexs uuuuu
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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