Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The air was thick with penises
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
