I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
