marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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