The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
