oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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