boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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