there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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