I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
