So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
