i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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