I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize