i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
