Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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