god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
