I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
