i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
