Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
