we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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