Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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