I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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