Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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