Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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