And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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