I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
