Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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