I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
