My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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