Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
