Soap is not a condiment
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
