Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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