He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
