Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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