Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
