I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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