I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
