As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this just has baby written all over it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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