he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
