please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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