oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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