My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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