You really coming over, don't trick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
