Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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