yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
