Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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