all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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