Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
