and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
