I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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