Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
