I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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