i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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