Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
being pregnant is like rehab
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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