so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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