I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
