Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize