Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
