First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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