from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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