Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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