I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
