I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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