You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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