Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
