I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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