i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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