Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
