My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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