I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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