i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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