Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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