dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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