The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
