so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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