i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
