I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
